Tell us five things you hope for your child to grow up and possess?

This day looks different this year. This year is my first year as a Mom to Lo, and my first year without my Grandmother. “Everything bitter still taste sweet” couldn’t feel more close to the chest. Days like today bring a ton of emotions. Good and bad.

To many, today is a reminder that they aren’t Mothers. To many, today is a reminder of that child that isn’t here. To many, today is a reminder that Mom isn’t here. To most, today is a reminder that Grandmother isn’t here.

A reminder of a Mom gone is something that makes my voice break. It’s something so unnatural. No one ever thinks it’s the last day with their Mom. The one who has always been there, and then isn’t. The one you call to ask how to boil eggs perfectly.

What’s a dollop??

When I’m reminded my Grandmother isn’t here, it makes me so sad; jealous, too. It makes me hurt for my Mom. How it must feel for that first Mother’s Day without the greatest woman you’ve ever known? “Everything bitter still tastes sweet.”

It makes me sad because one day, that’s going to me; missing my Mom. I can barely type it out. I’ll be jealous of her, then. Longing to see what she sees, and missing being able to call her three times in a row to ask her to repeat the same recipe she’s told me a thousand times.

Only for it to never taste like hers…

I’ll miss knowing she can fix anything that’s broken in my house.

I’ll miss how talented she is as craftsman, engineer, and carpenter.

I’ll miss the homemade soup that always has something “extra,” or “different,” than last time. Yet, it’s still the best soup you’ve had. The kind that warms the soul; the kind that took time to make it.

I was recently sick; like very sick. The first thing I did was call my Mom. I’m nearly 35 years old and I wanted her there. I wanted her there because it’s engrained in my brain the caretaker she was/is to her children; her family. From my favorite Gatorades, to fresh pillows and sheets, and back around to warm rags swapped out every few minutes. She would be at my beck and call. I’ve always watched her “wash feet.”

I still have that same wonderful woman that is my Mother. The one who left impressions of: throwing clothes in the dryer so they’re warm first thing in the morning before school. The cinnamon and sugar toast that tastes like candy. The chicken and dumplings that take four hours to make, and yet; she still makes them. The homemade biscuits with gravy, and the seventy-five tomato plants she would grow all while hating tomatoes.

Just because we loved them…

The one constant about any mother is that- you’re never not a mother once you are. Whether your child lives Earth-side, or whether angels carry them. A Mother is a mother is the same respect that a baby is a baby. It just IS. The role happens instantly. The divine animal right of absolute fierceness over someone. A love that could only be compared to how God loves us.

My mother imprinted Christ on my heart as far back as I can remember. I was in church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. My parents, my Mother, invested in my soul. She poured the Word of God into me, and prayed The Word over me. Her efforts to get me to the cross were relentless, and the most loving thing she could have ever done for me.

Jen, if I’m half the Mom you are- I’m lucky. Thank you for always being a Proverbs 31 woman leading by example. You’re forever etched on my heart, and I’m so glad you’re mine. God knew someone special was needed for me. I know my Mamaw smiles down proud of the Mother you are.

Case + Lo : I cannot describe the love you’ve given to me, as your Mom. My cup overflows with how much I adore you. I cannot believe that God trusted you two to me. I’m in awe of His goodness when I look at both of you. The perfect, imperfect, fast and slow beats of my heart.

You are my GREATEST joy. Your existence is visceral to my happiness. The closest to Heaven that I’ll ever be is in the presence of my children. Children that, like my Mom, I will raise to love and serve The Lord. I pray that you two become warriors for Christ; rooted so deeply in Him and your identity in Him. I pray nothing shakes your foundation; your faith; your witness.

I pray that you always know your Mother trained you up in the ways you should go. I pray that you forgive and give grace always, and freely. I pray that your future spouses are so in love with God, that you have to be in love with Him, too. I pray that I’ve given an example of what it means to be a Mother. I pray I’ve showed you qualities to look for in the future Mother of your children.

Wisdom like Solomon

Kindness like Ruth

Faithfulness like Abraham

Peace from Jesus alone as the Prince of Peace

Self-Control like Jesus even unto death